I thought, “She is me. Well, sort of.”
The differences between us were obvious. She was ten years younger than I, Indian and dressed in a vibrant fuchsia dress, a gold ring in her nose; she was certainly a far cry from my pasty-white, plaid-shirted self of that day and definitely of the Abby who once wore Doc Martens and her hair to her waist. But there I was, in the middle of a tribal village in God- Knows-Where, India, sharing a wordless conversation with a girl so much like the Me of only a few years ago.
Nearly one year ago (gosh, it feels like only yesterday) I traveled to southeast India with Faceless International, a non-profit dedicated to promoting awareness and combating human trafficking. This particular day was spent visiting a small impoverished village hours from the closest city. It was here that many women and youth were at high risk of falling into trafficking because of the extremely limited, opportunities for education and employment. We were there to establish relationships, spread cheer and harmony. To help people know they were loved and valued as human beings.
The Faceless Team was ushered through the village by a small man beating a drum like an Indian Pied-Piper, beckoning us through the dusty streets. Women surrounded me, smiled and giggled, whispered greetings, “Namaste,” with their hands pressed together at their chests. The entire village danced and sang together to the rhythms our friend Kris’ guitar and that one little drum. Amidst this beautiful chaos, a small girl hid behind a doorway, watching all that was in front of her. I turned in her direction and for a moment our eyes met. She shrank behind the door for a moment and then reappeared. She smiled. I smiled in return, only to frighten her away once again.
The party turned to ceremony. We listened to Vijay, our project counterpart from St. Joseph’s Welfare Association, as he addressed us and the villagers. I tried to pay attention to his words despite the assault on all of my senses- food cooking, children laughing, colorful saris sweeping across a backdrop of shabby huts and dirt.
And then, I felt a timid, unsure touch on my shoulder. I turned and there she was, the same girl from moments before standing next to me with a hand extended. She opened her palm and offered a small green bean. I, of course, accepted the gift and whispered, “thank you,” with a smile. She smiled back, but her eyes were riddled with uncertainty and fear. She shrank away with no words and it was then I thought, “you are me.”
Once upon a time, I never would have dreamed I would be on a volunteer trip in India. As a teen, I suffered from debilitating shyness. Protected but encouraged by my parents, it took years for me to overcome my social anxieties . . . and now I was here in India to encourage and support strangers who spoke a language I didn’t understand with twenty-four teammates I had never met before a week prior. I was a world away (figuratively and geographically) from the girl I had once been.
The evils of this world prey upon the innocents, people who only want to improve their circumstances with honest work and pay. Girls who are forced into trafficking never enter that world of their own free will; they’re lured by the lies and the promise of a better life. For this young girl I met that day, becoming a young woman was a dangerous and uncertain life. I felt like I understood her in so many ways and yet I knew (and still recognize) that I have little idea of the challenges that stood before her then and now.
I watched that little girl throughout the day. She slowly edged towards our group of Americans and children playing games and snapping pictures together. She even jumped into a few frames; she didn’t smile at first, but by the end of the day, she grinned and held my hand as we walked through the streets. Her shell melted away during those short hours and though I will probably never see her again, I would like to think that maybe she is still learning and trying to share her heart with others and remaining safe from predators who might break her innocence.
With a simple twist of fate, I could easily have grown up in that small Indian village or into a Kolkota brothel. But I wasn’t. Though we seem so different and separated from our brothers and sisters who suffer lives of oppression, we are all connected. I share something with that young girl I met in India. I share something with the children who are brought up in the red light districts and the women forced into the sex trade. The threads of humanity bind us together and bridge the disparities that divide us. I hope when people give to Resc\You, they understand they’re investing in a life that is just like theirs, just as valuable, indeed distinctive, but so very much the same.
-Abby
Please click here to find out more about the partnership between Resc\You and Spendyourself.
The second part of our series that takes an honest look behind the scenes into what actually happens within the confines of a strip club. In case you missed the first entry, it can be found here.
Today’s entry takes a look at the club from a manager’s perspective. This portion is lengthy, but is the one that I found most interesting.
-Lee
The Manager’s Role
As far as female employees in adult entertainment nightclubs, everyone you hire you treat as a potential dancer. It really doesn’t matter if she’s hired as a waitress, hostess, or even a bartender.
First, you must make the girl feel at home in an environment that is so abnormal that most people have to be made comfortable. In fact, you could almost say they have to be “hardened’ to the club life. This is easily accomplished by working there as many hours as possible and by having all of the staff treat them as if they were long lost friends. It’s important for the management to do this also.
Second, after a few weeks, because the girl is now your friend, as a manager you bring up how short you are on girls that night or how short the amateur contestants are. You ask them to please help, that they don’t need to take their clothes off, but the club just needs an extra body. Usually, they happily agree to do this. You then have them change into dancing attire, usually a skimpy dress, a teddy, g-string or a t-bar (which is a very small pair of panties). Often, the girls, having become used to the environment and having seen nudity daily are intoxicated with the sense of being on stage and are lured out of their clothing by the other girls, customers, and promises of large tips.
Now, at this point, the manager’s job just starts. But, if the girl has not taken her clothes off, the manager again has to start in on her about needing more help on the floor. Again, most of the girls will agree to help the manager out. At this time, you tell them that things are not that busy, and you take them out for dinner, “my treat.” Of course, the club lways writes this off! So, you go out, have some drinks and small talk with the girl. Returning to the club she now believes that you’re good friends, plus she is under the influence of alcohol. At this point, she easily disrobes at the customer’s request, with the other girls welcoming a new dancer into their ranks. The experienced dancers will then go on about how beautiful she is and how much money she’ll make.
Of course, even now, she still might have not disrobed. But, by this point, you are her friend and can make her feel guilty about not helping out more and ask her to please disrobe, as without her, you’ll not make much money that night. She is needed. People who need her and customers who tell her how beautiful she is surround her.
She now experiences a variety of emotions and, being human, needs to be needed. With this emotion fulfilled, she finds herself wanting to be complemented, which she is, and she wants to make money, which she can. You then play on the “what more can a girl want?” and the subject of self-worth never really comes up.
At this point, if she still has not disrobed, you let her know you no longer need her for her position, but dancing is open if she wishes to still work at the club. This does not work unless she has incurred debts and needs the money, or she actually enjoyed the experience and doesn’t want to lose her new friends. If she stays, the manager must start training her to be a professional. This means changing almost everything about her including her personality; she must now be a passive/aggressive if she is to survive. This means that she needs to learn to say whatever it takes to make money. She can never talk about her personal life to anyone as clients can hear this. What you try to do is get the girls programmed to have regular customers. A regular customer is a customer who believes that this girl actually cares for him, and now his fantasy world is complete. He comes in on a regular basis and she invites him back on certain days and times as not to interfere with other regular customers. This is usually set for the club’s slow times because when it’s busy she can make money without her regular clientele. Of course, with all of these girls having regular clients, the club is guaranteed a steady income and solid revenues. The club regulars are usually family men looking for an escape from the real world, and the girls are taught to prey upon them.
Mandatory meetings are set for all the girls. This time is really used for mostly programming of the girls and getting into their heads. You again let them know what you want and motivate them by whatever it takes. Soon the new dancer starts running around with the more hardened and seasoned girls, and they realize how much easier this job is being drunk, high or, more often than not, both. By now she’s working until 2 am in the morning, staying out all night partying after work, and then grabbing a breakfast with the girls. They wake up, go to work, and the cycle starts all over.
They have no time to go to the post office, the dentist, or any other “normal” things. They are deep into the club scene and on the road to hard times and even self-destruction. At this point, school, family, and friends have faded into a world that no longer exists for them.
As a manager, at this point, anything you say, ask or demand of the girl will gladly be done because the club is now their home. The girls don’t realize this is their only world, and the club manager now has total control over what’s going on in their lives. The girls will even put up with degradation, verbal and emotional abuse and everything else the manager wants to do.
At this time the girl may feel fed up and leave, going to a new club thinking to herself that she finally made a decision on her own and things will be better. But she is really just fooling herself. The manager at the new club does the same things except now she has no friends to talk to and the manager knows that most of the time she cannot return to the old club so he abuses her even worse than the first manager. Of course, she then drinks more and gets high more than ever hoping it will go away. It will only get worse for her now.
All purchases of our Scarlet Hope shirt go directly towards giving these men and women a chance to be free from the entrapment of the sex industry.
All proceeds from the sale of the Scarlet shirt will go towards Scarlet Hope’s work of providing employment opportunities outside the sex and adult entertainment industry.
We have seen first hand the women that make up Scarlet Hope simply choose to do life with those they wish to love and serve. They understand the weight of their responsibility and respond with love that is absent of an agenda or ulterior motive.
Tangibly, the organization provides needs such as food, housing, schooling, counseling, and transportation to those trapped in the business. If there is a genuine need, it’s met.
They know that by Jesus’ example he went into the gutter of those who were living a life of poverty, prostitution, sickness, disease, and loneliness. He met each one of them where they were at.
Scarlet Hope wants the world to know that God loves every single woman and man in the sex industry, and that no one is outside the love, grace, and hope of Jesus Christ.
Every shirt that spendyourself agrees to produce has a specific story behind it, and this one is no different. Listed below is the story that comes from a woman in industry who goes by the stage name of Scarlet.
Scarlet’s story:
My name is Scarlet. Broken. Unloved. Unworthy.
I am a dancer who the world throws stones at. I am spit on, mocked, called a whore. People think I don’t deserve to live.
When I walked into the club, I thought I was going to be able to make some money dancing on tables and getting guys to buy me drinks. It wasn’t until I walked in that dreadful club that I realized how different my life was about to change. I immediately felt as though I was paralyzed and in a trance. I just wanted to go leave. However, I have four kids and they needed food. They hadn’t eaten a real meal in a week and I just got out of the hospital for attempted suicide. It was going to be fast, easy and I was going to make money to feed my kids.
I thought just one drink might take the edge off, but an hour later I was completely drunk. I hadn’t eaten in days, and hunger was gnawing at my insides.
In my drunken state I noticed a group of women coming in to bring a home cooked meal. Why were they coming in? Could I quiet my growling stomach finally?
I waited a minute until they set up, I was staggering all around and everyone was watching me make a fool of myself. I was a wreck. I went up to the table where the food was set up and asked if I could buy a plate, the girls looked at me and told me “no this is free for you, would you like a plate?” I immediately skipped the plates and started eating straight out of the pan. They helped me get a plate, but by this time I was gorging myself with food and couldn’t imagine eating anything better.
I was embarrassed yet I couldn’t stop. I wanted help, but I didn’t.
My stomach hadn’t had food in it for a week, and this sudden feast was feeling like it was going to come right back up.
I started to vomit everywhere and one of the girls put her arms around me and held me as I threw up. I looked into her eyes and was crying hysterically. I asked her if she knew Jesus…she looked me straight in the eye and said “yes I know Jesus, do you?” I told her I did, but that I was so far from him that I needed him to help me…I asked her to pray with me. So we started to pray, and by the middle of the prayer I was crying out to God louder than the music was playing in the club.
People all around us were watching. The other girls that came with her were praying behind us, God was there, I felt his spirit move.
At the most embarrassing, broken, unlovable time in my life, I was loved!
Unwavering. Unconditional. Love took hold of me that day, all because someone decided to come and love me.
There is a God that loves me deeper than anyone can explain. It’s a love that reaches to the very darkness that was in my soul. I am loved.
To read more about the women in the industry that Scarlet Hope serves please see the following blog entries:
A look inside a strip club 1/2
A look inside a strip club 2/2
All proceeds from the sale of the Kisumu shirt will go towards LIA’s work in the Nyalenda slum.
HIV/AIDS is devastating families, communities, and entire cities, leaving orphans and vulnerable children in its wake. In these regions throughout Kenya, Life In Abundance International (LIA) is partnering with local churches to empower the left behind.
LIA has approached this situation with a pioneering method that is both sustainable and holistic, meeting the needs of the children in the short-term and empowering their caregivers (relatives, neighbors, etc.) to care for the child over the long term. In conjunction with partner churches, LIA meets the immediate physical and spiritual needs of these children and, over the course of three years, serve to empower their care givers.
Kevin’s story: While most 17 year old boys in America are worried about who they are taking to prom and where they will be going to college, Kevin Juma (pictured below) is working hard to help take care of his siblings. His family of eight were living in a one room shack when LIA made it’s second home visit.
Their parents died eight years ago. His older sisters (both in their 20′s) were away working as housekeepers, trying to make money for the family. Both sisters have children of their own now, so sending money for the others is hard. Life is not easy for his family. The little ones are always in need of food, clothing and supplies for school.
Kevin is very thankful for the LIA church partner and the ministry they do for the family, helping make ends meet and providing food for the family. The church is transforming their lives through food support.
He said he’d like people to pray that he feels better. He was sick when we were talking to him. Kevin asked that people pray that doors would open for his sisters to make a good living. He said he also prays that the other orphans in the area will have a normal life and that the church will continue its good ministry.
This is just one story of one family in the Nyalenda slum of Kisumu, Kenya and there are over 200,000 people in this slum with similar stories.
“Whatever you do unto the least of these, you do unto me.”(Matthew 25:34-40)
Friends of Spendyourself are currently visiting the Nyalenda slum and will be providing an update on LIA’s work when they return.
Photography by Jessica Nichols of J*Grace Photography
To read more about LIA and the work being done in Kenya, please see the following blogs:
Proceeds from the sale of the Omed (hope) shirt will go directly to fund completion of the boys and girls school at the Barek Aub refugee camp in Afghanistan.
Barek Aub camp is an IDP (internal refugee camp) about 25 miles outside of Kabul, Afghanistan. The people of Barek Aub are not foreigners, but rather refugees within their own country. Having fled Afghanistan during the Taliban regime, they returned after the fall to find their homes, schools, and businesses bombed out and uninhabitable. Farmlands that were used for grazing were now littered with land mines.
Like most Afghans faced with this situation, they traveled to Kabul in search of a new beginning. As a result of this migration, it’s estimated that Kabul’s infrastructure has ten times the load on it that it is capable of supporting. In an attempt to ease the burden on the city, many people have been forced to relocate outside of Kabul. In the Spring of 2007, this group was relocated from a bombed out building in Kabul to what they now call Barek Aub. The camp’s name, Barek Aub, means ‘fragile water’ in the native language of Dari. In the beginning, they were armed with a plastic pup tent and a small parcel of land. Unfortunately, the remote location rendered it impossible to have an income source. Water was delivered to the site, but half of it was undrinkable, which created a multitude of health concerns. Overnight, these actions created a level of poverty that would compete with any situation across the world.
These conditions compelled Sozo International to partner with these refugees since the first time they crossed paths. Sozo’s approach has always been to partner with the people it intends to serve and build meaningful relationships. As a result, these relationships empower the people it hopes to serve rather than generating a sense of dependency. Over the last 2 years, what was once a dire situation on the cusp of survival is starting to see some hope. Deep water wells that provide clean water have been dug, food is being provided on a regular basis, and permanent shelter continues to be built. With that said, there is still much work to be done to move from a state of survival to a state of sustainable progress. The massive inflation that has rocked the Afghan economy reminds us of the stark reality that the average person still only gets one full meal every two days.
The people of Barek Aub are a resilient group, and when the question was posed to the elders of what they would like to see in Barek Aub, the answer was an easy one – ‘a school’. A school for both boys and girls is seen as a luxury to the generations before them that did not have the opportunity, and a key to the future stability of their nation. By equipping this generation with the tools that they need, we aim to restore hope and a sustainable future to the people of Barek Aub.
To see more pictures involving Sozo International and those they serve, please click here.
