Our New Club!
Walking into an unfamiliar place. Not knowing what to expect we anxiously awaited to see what the owners would say. God has been preparing the hearts of our team for quite some time to step out and take on another club or two. The only way to be able to start serving in a new club is to GO into the club and ask.
So Sarah, Hannah and myself decided to take Friday evening to visit some clubs. Just simply praying for God to open doors is one thing, but believing God will open doors is a completely different story! Then watching God open the doors is literally the most humbling moment I personally have been able to experience.
We visited one after another and realized very quickly we needed to have male escorts in all of them. We were immediately turned away if we did not have them.
We kept trying different clubs until like I stated before God literally opened that door for us. We walked up to the front door of one particular club and a man walked out right as we walked in. We walked in and up to the bar. The first thing out of the bartenders mouth was “since you ladies don’t have escorts, I’m going to need to ask you to not talk to the customers while you’re in here” enough said, I thought. We ordered some cokes and sat down at a table. It wasn’t terribly busy, a few of the girls came over and talked with us and the first things out of their mouths were “what are you all doing in a place like this?” I guess we had big signs on our heads that clearly stated this wasn’t our typical hang out.
One girl, J came up to us and wanted to know each of our names. She was a really sweet young girl. We told her our names, and she quickly told us that HER mother was the OWNER of this club. My mouth almost dropped to the ground, I thought wow Lord, you couldn’t of been more clear with this one. We told her we would like to talk to her mom. Her mother is not only the owner of this club, but a bartender/dancer. It was heartbreaking to know and see a mother and daughter doing this for a living. So we talked to the owner, J’s mom – PH about coming in and serving in that club.
PH is going to be thinking about it and told us she needed a day or two to think about it, she almost lost her bar last week because of the economy she stated. So PLEASE keep this in your prayers. We are heading back into that club to hear her decision on Sunday night. Prayers are very much appreciated!!
Now you may be wondering, so then what happened with the one you did get?
Let’s just say God has a sense of humor that’s a lot funnier than I am and HE has led us to the largest club in Louisville. It was quite intimidating when we pulled in the parking lot. We didn’t know what to expect, or where to even go.
When we approached the front doors there were legit, microphones and everything, bouncers outside the club. Sarah and I immediately recognized the bouncer. C, the bouncer was the original bouncer at our very first club we ever went to. He got to know us and truly became very respectful to us. C, told us we had to have an escort and once again we did not have that. So i just told C that we wanted to actually just talk to the general manager if we could and ask if we could do the same thing we did at his old club, in this club.
He said ”yeah for sure, come with me!” My mind was racing with just how incredible awesome God is, at this point. The actual owner of this club came and got us and we went to his office, where we told him what we were wanting to do. We noticed that they have food there, so we knew that was probably not an option. He quickly agreed.
So we presented to him that we’d like to come in once a week and have a pampering night for the girls! He thought we were crazy! After some intense back and forth, he agreed to let us come in next Friday! But said he wanted to know what the dancers response was before allowing us to come back after Friday. I could hardly believe my ears!!! You will!!!! Oh my goodness, I wanted to scream, drop to my knees and praise God, right at that moment! But then I knew he would definitly think I was crazy!
So we asked if we could see where we would set up. He took us to the dressing room and told dancer A to show us around. There were probably a dozen girls in the dressing room. We went in, introduced ourselves told them what we were going to do! EVERY SINGLE dancer was beyond EXCITED!!! I would have to say that was also a God moment, because it already let’s us know how they are going to respond! They are very excited to have us.
So many many things to pray for!
We know the Lord will provide all of our needs. Since this not a cooking/serving food club. We are in some quick need of getting some supplies for these women.
Please see what our needs are and if you can help contact me asap:
New Makeup (clean out your closet, drawers, if you have never worn makeup)
Makeup sponges
Makeup brushes
Curling Irons
Brushes
Hairspray
Nail polish
Lotions
Flat Irons
Bobby Pens
We get to have the dancers undivided attention during this time. It will be a much more intimate approach to loving on these women. We are so excited to get to share what God’s beauty is truly like.
God made each of them beautiful and we are thankful for the opportunity to let them know of their beauty both inside and out.
Serving an amazing Father,
Rachelle Starr & The Scarlet Hope Team
James 1:17 “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the father of lights, with whom can be no variation, nor turning shadow”
Since it was New Years Eve night and there were only 5 of us delivering in the clubs total, we all decided to visit both clubs. It was an extra special night for us to be able to go to both clubs and see all the girls at both clubs! So we backed our cars with presents, burritos with all the fixins, homemade brownies, and headed out.
Club 1
The girls went crazy over the Mexican food that we brought to the club this past Thursday night. We saw J the manager and said Merry Christmas to him. We haven’t seen him around very much in the past few months. We saw some other dancers that were not working last week when we brought the gifts so we all got to give out some more gifts to the girls and gave more stalkings out to some other male staff that were there.
Just a few updates in this club: S has a mother who in the past few months has been experiencing uncontrollable seizures lately, and catching up with her this week, she said her mom is still having the seizures and the doctors still do not know why. She asked if we could still keep praying for her mom’s health
M the talkative bartender we always share about, is looking for a crib. Her sister just had a baby and they are in great need for a crib so if any of you have a crib or know of anyone with one, please contact us asap.
Club 2
It was fairly busy in the club on this New Years Eve night. All the girls lined up as usual. Also at this club were a few girls who were not there last week when we brought all of the Christmas gifts! So we took a count and brought in more presents out of the car inside. C almost had a heart attack when we gave her a gift for herself and her 2 year old daughter. She said “You know, you ladies are the ONLY people who gave me a gift at ALL this year.” She said it meant even more that we thought of her daughter and got her daughter something because she couldn’t afford much this year. Can you believe that friends? It absolutely breaks my heart to think that these ladies have no one to share Christmas with.
Later Jessica and I went to the middle club and had a great conversation with another newer girl “J”. She told us the same thing that no one got her anything for Christmas and that we were the only people who got her anything. She is an adopted child with her birth family in PA and her adopted parents on the other side of the country. She knows no one in Louisville except her ex husband which is why she moved her (to reconcile their marriage). But He has been unfaithful to her on numerous accounts so she is just “existing ” in Louisville right now. She just sleeps and dances. Pray that our friendship grows with her an we can all hang out with her outside the club,
I had the opportunity to pray with a very broken dancer in one of the VIP rooms right before we left. It was an incredible experience to pray in a room that satan usually rip these women down, not build them up. You could just feel her desperation for God and as we prayed together. I know she felt the Holy Spirit last night. She dug her fingers into my arms and just teared up. With the stench of Alcohol on her breath, she very emotionally spilled her whole story out to me. She’s an ex drug addict. She’s been dancing since she was 18. She’s nearly 40 now. She has 3 kids. 12,8, and 4. She is in a very dysfunctional relationship. Her boyfriend’s ex-wife and children are living with them and she said she is just falling apart. Please cover these women in prayer that Satan will not attack them or control them or destroy them like he has been.
It was wonderful to just catch up with a lot of the usual ladies we see every week and be able to start the New Year together with our hearts in the right spot. It’s not about us, It’s all about Him! Everything we do is for Him and there is nothing better than seeing the work of the spirits hand in these women’s hearts and what he has done in our hearts over the past year. It has drastically changed my life and showed me even more of how my life should look and that I “have” way too much! Thank u for your prayers and for everyone who takes the time to read this. This is a serious battle we are entrusted with! I am so excited to see what God is going to do it 2010 with Scarlet Hope and all who are involved!
Club 2:
Reporting Jessica L.,
Team: Rachelle, Sarah, Valerie
This week we visited the clubs on Wednesday night, Christmas Eve Eve.
We had some wonderful ladies provide a homemade, delicious Christmas dinner!
Thank you ladies for all your help and support in this ministry! We also packed up our cars with Christmas presents galore for the men and ladies at the clubs plus for their kids This year we were able to provide blankets, baked goods, a bracelet, and a Bible for the ladies.
For the men, we had socks, after shave, Axe deodorant, sunflower seeds, baked goods, and a Bible. For the kids we were blessed for several different items from books, coloring books, crayons, stuffed animals, and so forth. This was a fun and exciting night to be Santa’s elves to these men and ladies. Thanks again to all who helped provide Christmas for this group, it is very much appreciated. After we arrived and got the food organized, Sarah and I walked over to one of the clubs to invite the girls to come over for some food and the bartender was on the phone. We walked back over later to talk to the bartender for a little while. We told her we had all the fixin’s and asked if she wanted a plate. She had already ordered dinner but we asked if she wanted a to go box to take home, she decided that she would rather eat with us and save her order to take home. So we gathered her some food and delivered the presents to the girls. They were all so appreciative of the gifts. After we were done visiting with those girls we went back to help Rachelle and Valerie with the handing out more presents to all the other girls. As we handed the gifts out to the girls, one of them B looked at us and said can I open it now? She was so excited. Later, B walked up to us and asked if we would help her put on her bracelet. We were able to provide the girls with a Psalm 23 bracelet which has a insert explaining the colors and how they apply to the verse. It was so cool to see she was excited to put on the bracelet. I pray the bracelet will bring up more conversations with these girls in the future. Again thank you all for your support in this ministry and providing Christmas to these people, they all were so appreciative and it was wonderful to see so many happy faces. As we walked out, one of the girls I’d never seen before walked up to all of us and gave us all hugs. It’s great to see the response that we did
tonight.
To read more about Scarlet Hope, please see click here.
Scarlet Hope is doing some amazing things in our community and we thought it would be cool to give you a glimpse into what their ministry looks like on a weekly basis. We think you’ll enjoy!
-Lee
Scarlet Hope – Journal Entry
Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?” That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded right in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us.
Romans 15 1-6 (The Message)
Club 1
Reporting: Rachelle S.
Team: Valerie S and Brittani C.
Guys filled Club 1 Thursday night. There weren’t a ton of girls working, but even though their were men in the club, the girls mostly complained that they weren’t making any money because the guys weren’t spending any money.
We had delicious, warming home feeling potato soup with rolls, cookies and brownies for dessert. When there are new girls in the club we always get that vibe of “who in the world are you..” but once the regular girls start to eat they quickly file in line and are very excited that we have come.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a first time dancer and in such a dark atmosphere at the end of your rope and then a bunch of ladies come in to “serve dinner”. I hope and pray that it gives them a glimpse of Light that shows them they are worth more than what this world tells them they are.
As I sat down at one of the tables in the club to have a bowl of soup with one of the dancers, FA a new dancer I had never met came and sat right by us. She is 23 and has a little girl that is 5. I began to ask FA questions. Did she have any kids, how long had she been doing this, on and on….her answers were all very short and to the point, but then something just went off and she started sharing a lot of different aspects of her life. I listened and she talked and talked, when she got done talking she sighed a huge sigh and said “wow, that felt so good to get off my chest”.
FA has been in the industry for about 6 months and got into a car accident not to long ago and totaled her car. She is trying to save up money while taking car of her daughter to get another car. She talked of how she has contemplated prostituting herself out for more money because when she goes home at night and looks in her cupboards to eat she has only oatmeal and a cans of tomato sauce. She said that’s what her and her daughter have been eating. She told me that the club penalizes you when you leave early and she said several times she has to go take care of her daughter and they have fined her over $150.00. This week she has worked every day and only made $50.00 total. This is the life these women become sucked into. They tell you you can pay off your fines if you stay there and work extra etc. etc. We talked about this idea of her prostituting herself out and she said with her own lips, I can not, do not want to do that. And I made sure she knew that there would be no way she would ever have to get to that point and how it is not worth anything in this life to do that… God will provide a way out.
Towards the end of our conversation she told me that her daughter talks about how much she is excited for Christmas because all of the kids she knows gets presents, so she is so sad that she can’t provide a Christmas for her daughter. She said she went down to sign up for the Angel tree the other day and they told her she was too late. After listening, and praying while listening to her, the Holy Spirit prompted me to tell her we will find a way to help her for the holidays. Praise the Lord, we have a family that is willing to sponsor a family for the holidays and God is going to provide for that need.
Before she had to go back up on stage to dance she asked me the question…..I get so excited about “why do you all do this?” I got to share Jesus with her. I told her because we loved her and wanted her to know that there is a God that created her and that loves her more than she will ever know. Jesus! She looked me straight in the eye for the first time at that point and said “I don’t know what to say….that is the coolest thing I’ve ever heard…”
I wish I could say she turned around and walked out of that club that second, but God planted a seed that night and he will water and grow that seed, I know.
It’s so awesome to see how God works in these women’s lives and in the life of this ministry! We are never without, because he provides the way.
Club 2:
Reporting Kamille B.
Team: Hannah D., Natalie G., Mandy L.
Club 2 had an eerie feeling about it Thursday night. We kept trying to bring the dancers cookies and food, but they all were very busy and seemed to want their privacy. We would give them plates of food smile and go to the other side.
They ate their plates fast with some sincere thankfulness. The bartender V looked terrible. She talked to Hannah briefly and told her about some troubles with her kids. There weren’t a lot of girls working this night and the abundance of customers kept the girls very busy and unable to talk.
I did get to talk with, R. She said the food was delicious and the warm soup hit the spot on this cold night. She lives with her brother and his family, but feels she needs to support herself. She has worked there for years on and off…this was the first time I had met R.
J the DJ has become increasingly more talkative when we are around. J has been coming to service at NCC off and on and he has been helping serve by cooking every now and then. The first two songs J played once we got there were dedicated to us. One was “son of a preacher man…” he came over and told us he did that for us. We weren’t to sure what to say, but thank you.
I watched for H the dancer, but she has moved to be one of the daytime bartenders and we won’t be seeing her very much anymore. She needs some special prayer regarding her family, relationship stress. She is a single mother who is financially struggling and her car was impounded. Please pray for H.
The girls have come to trust us little by little and they know we are true to our word by just showing up every week and fulfilling our commitment of showing them love every week.
Trusting and Loving Him,
Rachelle & The Scarlet Hope Team
It’s been a great year for Spendyourself, and without all of you, this would still be nothing more than a dream.
As our way to give you all a big THANK YOU for all of your support over the last year, we’ve decided to give two people free shirts for a year!
What exactly does this mean? For each new shirt project we create over the next year, Spendyourself will be shipping you your very own shirt, and it’s all free.
In conjunction with the Resc/You project, we’ve come up with several different ways for you to enter the contest and raise awareness for human trafficking at the same time. Do as many of the following as you like and you’ll get an entry for each one!
The contest ends November 30th… so start spreading the word!
Ways to enter:
1 . Leave a comment on our blog on human trafficking (facts, useful links, etc.)
2. Retweet the following message: Win free clothes for a year! http://tiny.cc/d8m6V @spendyourself
3. Send us a picture of you wearing any Spendyourself shirt: jessica@spendyourself.net
4. Buy any Spendyourself shirt (counts as two entries)
5. Put a link to spendyourself.net on your blog and email us to let us know
6. Visit us at the GMHC, 11/12 – 11/14
7.Tell someone the story behind your Spendyourself shirt and email us
8. Make this your profile picture for a day or more, and post it on the Spendyourself Facebook page
9. Perform any random act of kindness, just let us know!
Questions? lee@spendyourself.net
The second part of our series that takes an honest look behind the scenes into what actually happens within the confines of a strip club. In case you missed the first entry, it can be found here.
Today’s entry takes a look at the club from a manager’s perspective. This portion is lengthy, but is the one that I found most interesting.
-Lee
The Manager’s Role
As far as female employees in adult entertainment nightclubs, everyone you hire you treat as a potential dancer. It really doesn’t matter if she’s hired as a waitress, hostess, or even a bartender.
First, you must make the girl feel at home in an environment that is so abnormal that most people have to be made comfortable. In fact, you could almost say they have to be “hardened’ to the club life. This is easily accomplished by working there as many hours as possible and by having all of the staff treat them as if they were long lost friends. It’s important for the management to do this also.
Second, after a few weeks, because the girl is now your friend, as a manager you bring up how short you are on girls that night or how short the amateur contestants are. You ask them to please help, that they don’t need to take their clothes off, but the club just needs an extra body. Usually, they happily agree to do this. You then have them change into dancing attire, usually a skimpy dress, a teddy, g-string or a t-bar (which is a very small pair of panties). Often, the girls, having become used to the environment and having seen nudity daily are intoxicated with the sense of being on stage and are lured out of their clothing by the other girls, customers, and promises of large tips.
Now, at this point, the manager’s job just starts. But, if the girl has not taken her clothes off, the manager again has to start in on her about needing more help on the floor. Again, most of the girls will agree to help the manager out. At this time, you tell them that things are not that busy, and you take them out for dinner, “my treat.” Of course, the club lways writes this off! So, you go out, have some drinks and small talk with the girl. Returning to the club she now believes that you’re good friends, plus she is under the influence of alcohol. At this point, she easily disrobes at the customer’s request, with the other girls welcoming a new dancer into their ranks. The experienced dancers will then go on about how beautiful she is and how much money she’ll make.
Of course, even now, she still might have not disrobed. But, by this point, you are her friend and can make her feel guilty about not helping out more and ask her to please disrobe, as without her, you’ll not make much money that night. She is needed. People who need her and customers who tell her how beautiful she is surround her.
She now experiences a variety of emotions and, being human, needs to be needed. With this emotion fulfilled, she finds herself wanting to be complemented, which she is, and she wants to make money, which she can. You then play on the “what more can a girl want?” and the subject of self-worth never really comes up.
At this point, if she still has not disrobed, you let her know you no longer need her for her position, but dancing is open if she wishes to still work at the club. This does not work unless she has incurred debts and needs the money, or she actually enjoyed the experience and doesn’t want to lose her new friends. If she stays, the manager must start training her to be a professional. This means changing almost everything about her including her personality; she must now be a passive/aggressive if she is to survive. This means that she needs to learn to say whatever it takes to make money. She can never talk about her personal life to anyone as clients can hear this. What you try to do is get the girls programmed to have regular customers. A regular customer is a customer who believes that this girl actually cares for him, and now his fantasy world is complete. He comes in on a regular basis and she invites him back on certain days and times as not to interfere with other regular customers. This is usually set for the club’s slow times because when it’s busy she can make money without her regular clientele. Of course, with all of these girls having regular clients, the club is guaranteed a steady income and solid revenues. The club regulars are usually family men looking for an escape from the real world, and the girls are taught to prey upon them.
Mandatory meetings are set for all the girls. This time is really used for mostly programming of the girls and getting into their heads. You again let them know what you want and motivate them by whatever it takes. Soon the new dancer starts running around with the more hardened and seasoned girls, and they realize how much easier this job is being drunk, high or, more often than not, both. By now she’s working until 2 am in the morning, staying out all night partying after work, and then grabbing a breakfast with the girls. They wake up, go to work, and the cycle starts all over.
They have no time to go to the post office, the dentist, or any other “normal” things. They are deep into the club scene and on the road to hard times and even self-destruction. At this point, school, family, and friends have faded into a world that no longer exists for them.
As a manager, at this point, anything you say, ask or demand of the girl will gladly be done because the club is now their home. The girls don’t realize this is their only world, and the club manager now has total control over what’s going on in their lives. The girls will even put up with degradation, verbal and emotional abuse and everything else the manager wants to do.
At this time the girl may feel fed up and leave, going to a new club thinking to herself that she finally made a decision on her own and things will be better. But she is really just fooling herself. The manager at the new club does the same things except now she has no friends to talk to and the manager knows that most of the time she cannot return to the old club so he abuses her even worse than the first manager. Of course, she then drinks more and gets high more than ever hoping it will go away. It will only get worse for her now.
All purchases of our Scarlet Hope shirt go directly towards giving these men and women a chance to be free from the entrapment of the sex industry.
We are all about educating the wearers of our shirts (and anyone else who cares) as to what they are actually supporting by buying our apparel.
Attached below is the beginning of a multi part series that for better or worse, gives you a much closer look into the adult entertainment industry.
The following document was written by David Sherman, a former manager at one of the largest adult entertainment chains in the country.
Some of these entries may be a bit lengthy, but we truly believe they are worth the read.
-Lee
Part 1 – The Dancers Experience
Right from the start, drug and alcohol use is rampant. The dancers call it “partying” but what they don’t realize is that they are actually medicating themselves in order to do the work they do. The abortion rate is extremely high due to the fact that they could never take the chance on flawing the body from carrying a child. On top of this, the dancers also feel that they have no way to support the baby without dancing, and can’t quit to have it. Basically, they are caught in a very real, painful catch-22.
The girls, if they have never danced, are extremely against it and most of the times are hired as waitresses, even though waitresses are not needed. This makes the atmosphere become part of their life. At this point, they see it as a job, not as stripping and easily are converted to dancing. Once dancing, they get used to being objectified. It becomes as important to them to hear how beautiful they are 200 times a day as it is the money they make from the dancing itself.
Between the use of drugs to medicate themselves to do what they do, and after hearing how beautiful they are all the time, they soon develop what I call “BDA” – Basic Dancer Attitude.“ This is when the dancer thinks that no matter what friends, children, husband and families think about them, they can all be replaced because all of the patrons around them find them attractive, beautiful and idolized. All that was close, in terms of family and friends can be replaced. Now they are truly caught in the adult scene. With friends and family gone from their lives, they solely exist in this dark subculture of sex, drugs, alcohol and prostitution. All of this perverse living, to the dancer, is now just part of their normal lifestyle.
After a couple of years at this level, they then realize they are getting older and attempt to fit back into society.
They try boyfriends, school or really anything to cling to that is “normal.” Realizing that they cannot live in both worlds, they return to the subculture of the adult business, actually despising the real world. This leads to more dependency on drugs and alcohol, which now makes them 100% lost to this life. The dancers will continue living like this until they realize they can no longer stay at their “current level,” and keep making money and getting the compliments. Once they realize this, they begin to master more perverse things to make cash to make up from fading looks and dancer burnout.
The cycle then becomes even more vicious, with depression, drugs, alcohol and body mutilation to stay thin. Finally, they realize they can no longer keep up with the new and younger girls and leave, going to one of five places.
1. They go to a very filthy, dirty nasty club that’s full of girls in their position. Here they perform and do some of the mostvile and filthy acts you can imagine to make money.
2. Prostitution – meeting customers outside of the club, their job now becomes a place for them to meet new “clients.”
3. Marriage – they’ll do this just to be able to still survive. But, the addiction to drugs and alcohol normally shatters and destroys these relationships.
4. Some actually do break away and go to school to become productive citizens. But, this frequency is around 1 of 50.
5. They become society’s throwaway people – used up, degraded, abused and even sold by the people who own these establishments.
Sadly, these young ladies over time, little by little, become manipulated, controlled and finally destroyed by a world that our communities have closed their eyes to. It has been just as much our fault as theirs for letting these places do this to our children, daughters, nieces, granddaughters, and yes, even mothers. For they were every bit as innocent as we.
Tomorrow we will taking a look at this same situation from the managers perspective.
All purchases of our Scarlet Hope shirt go directly towards giving these men and women a chance to be free from the entrapment of the sex industry.
All proceeds from the sale of the Scarlet shirt will go towards Scarlet Hope’s work of providing employment opportunities outside the sex and adult entertainment industry.
We have seen first hand the women that make up Scarlet Hope simply choose to do life with those they wish to love and serve. They understand the weight of their responsibility and respond with love that is absent of an agenda or ulterior motive.
Tangibly, the organization provides needs such as food, housing, schooling, counseling, and transportation to those trapped in the business. If there is a genuine need, it’s met.
They know that by Jesus’ example he went into the gutter of those who were living a life of poverty, prostitution, sickness, disease, and loneliness. He met each one of them where they were at.
Scarlet Hope wants the world to know that God loves every single woman and man in the sex industry, and that no one is outside the love, grace, and hope of Jesus Christ.
Every shirt that spendyourself agrees to produce has a specific story behind it, and this one is no different. Listed below is the story that comes from a woman in industry who goes by the stage name of Scarlet.
Scarlet’s story:
My name is Scarlet. Broken. Unloved. Unworthy.
I am a dancer who the world throws stones at. I am spit on, mocked, called a whore. People think I don’t deserve to live.
When I walked into the club, I thought I was going to be able to make some money dancing on tables and getting guys to buy me drinks. It wasn’t until I walked in that dreadful club that I realized how different my life was about to change. I immediately felt as though I was paralyzed and in a trance. I just wanted to go leave. However, I have four kids and they needed food. They hadn’t eaten a real meal in a week and I just got out of the hospital for attempted suicide. It was going to be fast, easy and I was going to make money to feed my kids.
I thought just one drink might take the edge off, but an hour later I was completely drunk. I hadn’t eaten in days, and hunger was gnawing at my insides.
In my drunken state I noticed a group of women coming in to bring a home cooked meal. Why were they coming in? Could I quiet my growling stomach finally?
I waited a minute until they set up, I was staggering all around and everyone was watching me make a fool of myself. I was a wreck. I went up to the table where the food was set up and asked if I could buy a plate, the girls looked at me and told me “no this is free for you, would you like a plate?” I immediately skipped the plates and started eating straight out of the pan. They helped me get a plate, but by this time I was gorging myself with food and couldn’t imagine eating anything better.
I was embarrassed yet I couldn’t stop. I wanted help, but I didn’t.
My stomach hadn’t had food in it for a week, and this sudden feast was feeling like it was going to come right back up.
I started to vomit everywhere and one of the girls put her arms around me and held me as I threw up. I looked into her eyes and was crying hysterically. I asked her if she knew Jesus…she looked me straight in the eye and said “yes I know Jesus, do you?” I told her I did, but that I was so far from him that I needed him to help me…I asked her to pray with me. So we started to pray, and by the middle of the prayer I was crying out to God louder than the music was playing in the club.
People all around us were watching. The other girls that came with her were praying behind us, God was there, I felt his spirit move.
At the most embarrassing, broken, unlovable time in my life, I was loved!
Unwavering. Unconditional. Love took hold of me that day, all because someone decided to come and love me.
There is a God that loves me deeper than anyone can explain. It’s a love that reaches to the very darkness that was in my soul. I am loved.
To read more about the women in the industry that Scarlet Hope serves please see the following blog entries:
